So I turned 50 years old last Thursday. So far, so good. My partner took me and the doggies away for a
surprise getaway to the beautiful Black Rock Resort in Ucluelet, BC. Nothing but rest, relaxation, meditation, and
wine. Just what the Guru ordered. As I reflect on this very important milestone
in my life, I find myself also reflecting on impermanence. Impermanence is a Buddhist concept that
expresses the notion that all of our habituated life – ie our experiences, our
triumphs, our failures, our bodies, our perceptions, our physical life - is in
a constant state of flux and brevity. None
of these things are forever. None of
these things are permanent. None of these
things stay the same. In fact, the Buddha says that holding onto our life at
any given time (i.e. attachment) is a cause for why we suffer in this world.
So as I reflect on impermanence, I also reflect on another
reality that I have engaged in for many years – physical fitness! Yes – I work out. Yes – I have been known to track my calories,
carbs, fats, fibres, and protein on a daily basis. Yes – I get a body composition analysis run
every month. Yes – I can be a bit
obsessive about it. The personal goals I
set for myself are often around my impermanent body: lower body fat percentage, more weekly yoga
sessions, continued strength training. And
I have been known to be attached to my physical body. (SIDE NOTE:
one thing I’ve learned in my 5 days of being 50 is an increased comfort
level with just being totally vulnerable about who you are – warts and
all. You just don’t care as much anymore
about what people think J).
So how do I live into these seeming disparate realities of the
impermanence of the body and my love for the physical fitness of this
impermanent body? I offer 3 thoughts:
1.
I ain’t 30 anymore. I need to warm up before lifting. I need to allow more time to recover in
between workouts. The impermanence of my
body reminds me that the types of workouts I do now are not the exact same
workouts that I did when I was 30. To
attempt to run my workouts just like I did when I was 30 is a sign that I have
not come to terms with impermanence. So
the first lesson is to accept that my body is 50 chronological years old.
2.
My body is not the full definition of who I
am. Since Advent of last year
(2013), I have begun an almost daily morning ritual of candle lighting and
centering prayer (http://www.contemplativeoutreach.org/category/category/centering-prayer
for a general overview). This spiritual practice
has helped lead me into contemplation and into a rich, mystical Christian
path. I now more than ever recognize
that my impermanent body is not the totality of who I am. My essence is Spirit within me. Called by various names such as “Christ in
you” (Col 1: 27) in the Christian tradition as well as the “Inner Light of
Awareness” in the yogic tradition, my
daily meditation practice has allowed me to open and receive in growing awareness
this truth of who I really am. As I mature
in this understanding, I also mature in recognizing and keeping my impermanent
body is in its appropriate place.
3.
There is a difference between “acceptance”
and “resignation”. With impermanence,
the acceptance
of impermanence is just as important.
I have struggled with the concept of acceptance for many years and had
equated it with such ideas as giving up or as a resignation to the situation
you are in. Acceptance felt to me very
fatalistic – nothing you can do will change your pre-determined course in life.
You are subject to whatever happens and
there’s nothing you can do about that.
Needless to say I resisted that notion.
But a funny thing happened: when
I finally accepted my conflicted feelings around acceptance, I began to live
into the beautiful gift of acceptance.
Far from being fatalistic, acceptance is a choice to accept the current
situation as it is – no fighting, no resisting, no struggling. This doesn’t mean the situation can’t
change. It doesn’t mean that you do not take
mindful steps to transform a situation.
It just means that at this present moment, I accept (or “acknowledge”….that
works a bit better for me) the situation as is.
I accept/acknowledge that my body is 50 years old. I also accept that my workout routines and
physical fitness plans will link with this 50 year old body to make it healthy
and vibrant. No giving up on life. No letting my body go downhill because I’m 50. No resigning myself to the couch. None of that.
I joyfully accept/acknowledge my physical age. And from that peaceful place of non-striving
and non-struggle with my body, I am able to flow forward in greater dimensions
of health and physical fitness.
I turned 50 last
week. I’m learning that my true essence
is within. I affirm that the body is a
beautiful gift. I accept my age just as
it is. And I journey along receiving both
impermanence and my body as wonderful gifts to embrace.
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