Fed Up!

Since I was outed 2 weeks ago in front of the entire church by my senior minister as a "church geek", I have decided to embrace it and not hide it any longer. I'm actually very happy that everyone knows I'm a church geek now - there is freedom when one comes out of their particular closet. One practice that church geeks engage in - or at least this church geek - is surfing the web to look at church and denominational websites online. I like to see their ministries, read about their staff, get a sense of their mission in the world, and read their sermons online. Yes - I read sermons online. I came upon the website for the Mennonite Brethern denomination, an evangelical group here in Canada. While perusing the site, I found an interesting little document entitled "Homosexuality: A Compassionate Yet Firm Response". Hmmmmmm After reading it, something shifted inside me. A sense of holy anger began to fire within. And I believe that this is the type of shift that happens at significant times in life that alter and change the timbre of one's direction. This pamphlet laid out a supposed compassionate response to homosexuality. In actuality, it was full of logical inconsistencies and bad theology. And as a gay Christian, I didn't see much compassion.

As I read this pamphlet shaking my head with a mixture of anger and utter sadness, I made a decision. I made a decision that I will no longer debate the issue of homosexuality in the church any longer.

I'm tired of patiently waiting for the church with its' endless national conferences, discussion groups, church study reports, and congregational meetings to decide what to do with "the issue of homosexuality".

I'm tired of getting clobbered by a twisted reading of Scripture and a flawed hermeneutical method that attempts to show "God's plan for the family". But the same interpretive method used to condemn me is conveniently set aside when looking at other social issues in Scripture. Hello cafeteria-style Bible study.

I'm fed up with tolerating the most incredible statements made to me all in the name of the notorious face-saving quote of "loving the sinner but hating the sin". The statements that many Christians have said to me in no way reflect a Gospel, Biblical love. Make these same statements to another group in society and there could be legal action.

I'm angered by the conservative church's refusal to acknowledge the failure rate of ex-gay ministries. Our church is one of several congregations in the church world that see the ugly side of ex-gay ministries that no one wants to talk about. Broken people come to us after surviving these ministries and can't even believe that God loves them. Something as basic as "God loves me" is difficult for them to accept. People like myself who tried to experience authentic change, who truly opened ourselves up to God as much as we could to allow the "healing" to come, and people who are in shambles because no such change occured come to our doorsteps. People in tears; lives that are shattered; hope abandoned.

I'm in tears over how long it is taking the church to change and for justice to flow like a mighty river. It's excrutiating. But it took the Southern Baptist Convention over 100 years to apologize for its' miscarriage of justice involving the institution of slavery, so why am I in such a rush. "Oh but that's different than homosexuality". Please - spare me the rhetoric.

Just as I don't coddle a person who believes the earth is flat, that women shouldn't be ordained or in leadership positions in the church, and that mixed race marriages are morally wrong, I will not tip toe around someone who still believes that homosexuality is a sin or at the least is not God's best. If a person is honestly sincerely seeking the truth regarding same sex attraction and orientation, there are plenty of theological readings, scientific and psychological studies, and most importantly testimonies of faithful gay women and men with amazing, fulfilled lives and an authentic and vibrant faith. For people who get their head out of the sand long enough, there is ample evidence - Biblical, theological, and existential - that bring truth to this matter.

The church will eventually change its' position and will issue apologies just like it has on past social issues. I pray that this repentance occurs in my lifetime. Since I see glimmers of hope for change occuring within pockets of the church, I am cautiously optimistic. My prayer is that the institutional church will learn from history, and right the wrongs sooner than later.