A Wedding Like No Other

It was a beautiful sunny Vancouver day in mid-September. The kind of day that still feels like summer even though we all know that these types of glorious days are numbered and fall is just around the corner. Nevertheless there is sunshine, warm temps, and amazing energy in the air, so we'll take it!

It was a beautiful sunny Vancouver day for a wedding. This particular service had all the elements that comprise a nice, traditional wedding. A large, downtown, gothic-style church building. The longest centre aisle of any church in the entire city of Vancouver. 10 attendants. A flower girl and ring bearer. A pipe organ to provide beautiful fanfare for such a special occasion. And of course 2 grooms joining their lives together in holy matrimony. What a minute!! OK maybe it isn't an ENTIRELY traditional wedding. I have to admit that since British Columbia legalized same sex marriage in 2003 (with the entire country of Canada following suit in 2005), I had not been to a same sex wedding ceremony of this scale. Most of my gay friends who married (including David and me) had very intimate, small, non-traditional ceremonies held in big homes with ocean views, in Stanley Park, or in the privacy of a downtown condo. But this wedding on Saturday had all the bells and whistles that one could possibly think of. My part was to play the piano during the ceremony, lead 2 congregational hymns, and sing a solo during the Signing of the Registry. Everything was ready to go for a prompt 2:00pm start. The 2 grooms - Kevin and Ryan - looked dapper in their tuxedos. The beautiful sanctuary was full of family and friends. And I was all set to be a part of this wonderful occasion in the life of my 2 friends.

It was a beautiful sunny Vancouver day in which to unexpectedly and profoundly witness God's Kingdom revealed, advanced, and experienced. One of my favourite Bible stories is that of Peter and the vision of the unclean animals (Acts 10: 9 - 48). In this vision, Peter sees a sheet descending from heaven full of unclean animals - animals that Peter would never touch or eat because they were considered unclean. Unacceptable. Sinful. Yet a voice commanded Peter to eat all the animals that were on the sheet. Peter said no. The voice said yes. Peter said no. The voice said yes. When Peter continued to resist, he heard this powerful statement from the heavens: "What God has made clean, you must not call profane." That is my favourite line from this entire story. What God has made clean, you must not call profane. A new era had arrived in the early church. Previous understandings of what's clean and what's not......who is clean and who isn't.......what is accepted and what isn't........were being turned upside down. Those who previously were thought to be outside the Christian community were now being accepted into the community of faith.

I'm so grateful that the story of Peter and the unclean animals did not stop in the Book of Acts. This amazing story of the inclusion of those who were previously thought to be outside the kingdom of God has continued throughout history. Groups and classes of people who had been denied any type of full participation in the life of the church were being welcomed in as more chapters of that vision were being written. Their gifts, callings, and contributions were being recognized. Previous understandings and readings of certain Scripture passages were being re-interpreted. The circle was being enlarged and widened. Because of Galileo's courage in the 1600s against the prevailing geocentric position of the organized church, we came to see that science and faith are not enemies, but 2 sides of the same coin. Because of the outspoken witness of many women with obvious gifts to ordained ministry in a time when they were denied their full calling, we now welcome women into the leadership and ordained ministry of the church. Because of the bold witness of mixed race couples in a time when the church named their love as sinful because "it's against the Bible", we now celebrate mixed race marriages in our communities. And I witnessed on Saturday another chapter being written in that vision of the unclean animals. Same sex love - in many churches today still considered "unclean" - was blessed, affirmed and celebrated! In a transcendant way, the love, the blessing, the tangible sense of Spirit filled me to overflowing with joy, gratitude, and a sense that the vision of God's Kingdom - including and blessing those who were previously considered unclean - moves forward! I was in tears just taking in the significance of that vision moving forward here in my lifetime in this time and place.

It was a beautiful, sunny Vancouver day.........

In Praise of Vancouver

Vancouver, British Columbia - how do I love thee? Let me count the ways......

* for your magnificent natural setting. With the ocean meeting up with the Coast Mountains, it's an unbeatable foundation for a world class city. When I used to live in North Carolina, I had to choose between going to the beach or going to the mountains. Here, I can lay out at the beach while viewing the majestic mountains.

* for your wonderful diversity. Today while walking home from brunch, I passed many groups of people who weren't speaking English. Vancouver embraces every group imaginable and weaves them into her fabric. The world is here in Vancouver. If you don't dig diversity, you won't like our fair city.

* for your vibrant downtown core. David and I have never lived in a downtown setting before moving here. Now you couldn't pay us to leave downtown. Everything we need is within blocks of our place. Within about 2 sq blocks of our home there's a coffee shop, grocery store, liquor store, wine bar, dry cleaners, medical clinic, sushi bar, bank, office supply store, and drug department store. We are blocks from the seawall. 4 blocks from my church. We walk everywhere. It's magical!

* for your wonderful weather. This is perhaps Vancouver's best kept secret. We tell everyone it rains here all the time. Pssst -it's not true (90% of Vancouver's yearly rainfall occurs during the winter only) Once I moved here, I found out that we tell everyone it rains all year long just to keep more Torontonians from moving here. Mild, wet winters. Beautiful, colourful springs. Warm, sunny, long summer days. Crisp, comfortable autumns. The flowers start blooming in late Feb-early March. Since it rarely snows here, Vancouver is green year-round. You can sit outside on cafe patios in the middle of January and have a coffee. It's truly an outdoor city.

* for your holistic lifestyle. Since moving to Vancouver, I have lost weight, gained muscle, increased my energy levels, and lowered my bodyfat percentage. At the age of 45, I am in the best shape of my life. Why? Physical fitness is par for the course here. Everybody's doing it. It's in the air. You "catch" it from others around you. Instead of meeting after work for a drinking frenzy, you meet on the slopes to ski. Instead of driving to a party, you walk or bike there. Almost without exception, every one of my friends from the USA who comes to visit me says "WOW - everyone is so fit here".

I could go on and on. Needless to say, David and I love it here. Many times we pinch ourselves to make sure we're not dreaming. I cannot imagine living anywhere else. Peace and light.

Reflections Upon Turning 45

My birthday was this past Friday, July 10. I turned 45 years old. Most people in popular culture would say that I am now clearly in middle age. According to the United Church of Canada, I am still a younger adult, although at the very jumping off point. My "real age" is 36 (NOW we're talking. To find out your real age, go to http://www.realage.com/). But at the end of the day, the words from the hymn "I Was There To Hear Your Borning Cry" describe my feelings at this stage of life: "In the middle ages of your life, not too old, no longer young. I'll be there to guide you through the night, complete what I've begun."

Looking back over my life thus far and particularly after my birthday party this past Friday night (GREAT party!! Thanks David for organizing it ), I am in a very grateful, thankful space.

* I am grateful for my Christian heritage. As noted in my very first blog, I was raised fundamentalist Christian. I now consider myself postmodern Christian. I REALLY wanted to be a Unitarian, but I missed the Christian framework. Without launching into all the reasons why I am not fundamentalist or even evangelical Christian anymore, I can say that I am grateful for the strong foundation of my Christian upbringing. Yes - I've had to get rid of the crap that comes with fundamentalism. Yes - I've had to re-frame my Christian faith. Yes - I've had to build my life with good, sound theology. BUT I am grateful for my strong Biblical knowledge, the love of Christ instilled in me (that evangelical "love affair with Jesus" is still there), and the key experiences of my early Christian formation (yes I've been "born again"). Most importantly, I am grateful that my early Christian heritage deposited and nurtured in me a seed of faith that is growing and thriving to this day.

* I am grateful for my wonderful upbringing. My Myers-Briggs score is ENFJ. I am a Type 3 (The Achiever) on the Enneagram. I am sanguine. Every career test I take indicates I should be in sales (which I am). Ask anybody who knows me, and they will tell you that I have a cheery, optimistic, can-do approach to life. I have to thank my amazing parents for their part in this. Our house was filled with laughter and good times. My parents supported me in everything I did. Was everything 100% perfect? Of course not. But I had a great childhood. And I do not take any of this for granted. Thank you Mom and Dad!

* I am grateful for the dark moments in my life. Even though I'm the cheery, happy, optimistic type, I am not immune from suffering and hard times. I have been through a divorce, agonized over my sexual orientation, spent 15 months in an ex-gay program in an attempt to "heal" me of my same sex attractions, finally came out of the closet and experienced rejection from the conservative, Christian community over my sexuality, spent time in therapy to help heal the wounds of fundamentalism in my life, and currently struggling with rebuilding my embattled business due to the global economic slowdown. But I embrace all this as part of the journey. Like my early Christian heritage, the dark nights of the soul also make me who I am today.

* I am grateful for my family. David Leon Watson and I have been together for almost 15 years, legally married for almost 5 years (since Canada legalized same sex marriage). The support, love, and encouragement he gives me is simply indescribable. We have been through thick and thin together, laughter and tears almost to the breaking point, but have emerged better people because of the other. Our home is a haven of rest. I love walking into our place - it is safe, accepting, warm, and full of love. It's a retreat for me from the outside world. We have followed our hearts and marched to the beat of our own drummer. And the fruits of our union are indeed good fruits of love, joy, peace, and kindness.

* I am grateful for my community. And this brings my blog back full circle, for it is my community of friends that initiated all this reflection anyway. Just like it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a community to form a man. I am utterly without words in describing the amazing joy I have in my community. David and I frequently talk about how blessed we are with so many wonderful friends. Friends who are quite different in many ways. Friends that bring so many different gifts to our lives that sharpen us and shape us. Friends that have been with us in our own dark nights of the soul. Friends that share laughter and encouragement, and that call us on our bullshit when needed. The Proverbs states that "he who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." How true. My wise, wonderful friends have helped me grow in ways I never would have grown without them. We were never meant to do this alone. We need community. And the voice of wisdom is best discerned in the context of community.

So there you go. May I encourage everyone reading this to follow the path of your heart. Don't let others tell you what you should do, or what's best for you, or what's not best for you. The most liberating day of my life was when I decided to follow the Spirt of Truth within me that Jesus encouraged me to do. To decide to be a man of integrity. To be a man of honesty. To be a man with no excuses, no regrets, and no apologies for who he is. As Ghandi said: don't follow the beaten track, but find out the true path for yourself and follow it fearlessly. It's been a process and still continues.

No matter what age you are, follow your heart. Follow your dreams. Listen to the still small voice inside. Celebrate your past, your present, and your future. Realize you need others and can't do it alone. Open your heart and be vulnerable with your community. Give back to your world in some way - practice gratitude in action. And live life abundantly! Namaste.

The Scourge Of Fundamentalism

Yesterday was not a great day for me. Spiritually speaking that is. While I love Facebook, it sometimes opens up discussions and conversations that probably aren't the healthiest, particularly from people with whom I should probably not even attempt to enter into conversation. My partner David doesn't even "get" why I want to talk with people from high school when I didn't know them that well to begin with. I hear him. At the same time, there's something in me that demands authenticity. That demands transparency. Call it self-actualization. Call it the call of the Spirit. Call it Christian discipleship. Call it co-dependency or a need for approval. Personally, I go for the first 3. But whatever you call it, I was talking to some former high school classmates via Facebook about how I can be gay and Christian. These 2 people were just adament that I couldn't. A little bit of Scripture was thrown around. A little bit of "those terrorists want to take over our country" was thrown in (not sure how that relates to sexual orientation and faith), and a whole lot of frustration on my part. The last few posts assured me they were praying for me, and hope to see me in heaven. Unbelievable.



That conversation did such damage to my spirit. I'm mad at me for allowing myself to be subjected to all that. I'm mad at David cause he's right about why I am still talking to people from 25+ years ago. And I'm mostly mad and incredibly saddened that I still carry the wounds of fundamentalism in my core. None of the incredible discouragement that I feel is "conviction of the Holy Spirit for my sin" or "conviction for not following the truth path of Christianity" or anything like that. This is not conviction - conviction doesn't work like that. This is hurt and pain from the influences of bad religion. It's a painful admission: after years and years of being away from destructive religion and being surrounded by a loving community of faith, solid theology, and incredible integration and spiritual growth, I still feel the ugly residue inside of me from the faith of my youth.



Maybe that's how it's going to be - sort of like a wounded healer. And maybe that's a gift I have to offer to other hurting former-fundamentalists. I am in such peace and harmony in my spiritual walk today. I also must admit that there's a scourge within me from my fundamentalist past that will always be there. The tapes still play. The fear sometimes rears its' ugly head. Instead of bemoaning my fate or my past, I want to take the broken pieces from my past and use those as stones to build an altar upon which I pour my heart out to God, to others, and to our community. To pour out my heart for those gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered people who are told they and/or their "lifestyle" is sinful, an abomination, and un-acceptable. To those whose theology or belief system is not orthodox or mainstream or "acceptable". To anyone who is outside the "norm". I understand. And it's OK to admit the pain and frustration and sometimes isolation that at times accompany those of us on different or alternative paths. It's also OK to celebrate who you are and find like-minded communities to affirm this in joyous celebrations.



It was not a good day for me yesterday. But it was a great day for me to affirm that even the shadowy destructive forces in our lives can be transformed. Can be redemptive. So while I hate the fact that I was raised in a fundamentalist church, I also embrace this part of me as a gift, for it has made me who I am today. I embrace the wounded healer within, for it helps me to be more sensitive, more open, and more grateful for the man I am becoming today.

A Time Apart

I have just returned from a wonderful retreat at Rivendell Retreat Centre on Bowen Island, just off the coast of mainland BC. This place is just around 30 minutes from Vancouver, but feels worlds apart. At Rivendell, you are surrounded by mountains, ocean, thick forests of spruce, pin, and cypress. It's a truly sacred place - a holy space. Doris Kizinna and I led this retreat with younger adults from our church. Even though I was in leadership, I received so much from this time apart with God.

We informally started the retreat on Friday night with dinner at an incredible Italian restaurant on Bowen called Tuscany. Simply delicious! We then began our formal time together with an opening worship on Friday night, followed by a delicious feast of wine, cheese, and crackers. Saturday morning we enjoyed breakfast followed by a morning workshop on Creation Spirituality led by the minister from our church. The afternoon was left mostly open for retreatants to do as they wished. Both an optional hike and a Kundalini Yoga class were offered. Saturday dinner was an amazing meal of Indian food - simply too good to put in words! Saturday evening worship consisted of several stations of spiritual practices that were available in which each participant was invited to engage. Sunday morning ended our time together with a morning yoga session, brunch, and a closing circle.

This retreat was a first for our Younger Adult group. Based on the feedback, there will be many more to follow. And even though I was in leadership throughout the weekend, I was filled, refreshed, renewed, and connected in so many ways. In short:

* I am committed to Jesus Christ. This weekend affirmed the primacy of the life, ministry, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ in my spiritual journey. I come from an evangelical background, and many of my evangelical brothers and sisters are not in allignment nor approval of my path. To be sure, my journey draws from many traditions and sources, both Christian and non-Christian alike. My theology is anything but orthodox. Had I lived in the Middle Ages, I would have been considered a heretic. And I reject many evangelical tenets. At the same time, that "love affair with Jesus" has remained and this weekend I once again embraced that. Jesus has absolutely, positively captured my heart and won't let go, nor do I want Him to let go. Jesus Christ is my lense (not other's necessarily) through which I see and experience the Holy.

* I am committed to a more deeply lived spiritual life. The gifts of yoga, meditation, acupuncture, Scripture, prayer, and Christian community are rich wonderful gifts that enrich and expand my spirit. After this weekend of engaging in most of these precious practices, I am full of the Spirit. I am more loving. I am more open. I am more restful and centered. And I am ready to be of service to my fellow woman and man. These are certainly fruits of the Spirit that warrant nurturing.

I encourage everyone to periodically in your busy life get away for retreat. Get away to open your spirit to the Holy. To return renewed, refreshed, and ready to serve others in this hurting world. But most importantly, return more aware than ever that you are an incredible, loved child of God. Blessings and peace to all.

The Lenten Journey

I've done something that I wish to never do again - enter blogs only during holy seasons. My last blog entries were made over the season of Christmas. Then a long LONG absence. Now I'm making another entry on Ash Wednesday. My apologies.

Tonight, I attended an Ash Wednesday service at my church to initiate the season of Lent. Growing up, our church didn't observe Lent. Only those liberal and reprobate churches who didn't believe the Bible observed Lent. So we stayed clear of this season. It wasn't until I became a United Methodist (refer to my first blog entry for more about the United Methodists) that I first observed Lent. And let me tell you right now, I didn't like it. In fact, I LOATHED Lent. It's too much of a downer for a type A, driven, happy, glass-always-full, goal oriented, disgustingly optimistic, make-it-happen type of guy like myself. Reflective, silent, meditative, and intropective are not descriptors typically used for myself. I'm more of an Easter dude. Definitely like the resurrection. And LOVE Pentecost! Could do Pentecost every day of the year. But Lent? I just endured Lent year after year.

But thank God for grace eh? (that's the Canadian coming out in me). There's something to be said for spiritual disciplines practiced faithfully over time that finally break through and become mediators of God's grace. Such is the case for me with Lent. I think I'm starting to "get" Lent. In this particular season of my life, I am looking forward to introspection, reflection, silence, and meditation. Not descriptors typically used for myself. But a wonderful compliment and challenge to my cheery, upbeat, driven, type A, fast paced personality. For me, this Lenten journey is an opportunity - a sacred space in my life - for me to reflect on my life, where I'm going, what I'm doing, what I'm becoming, and how I might live more faithfully in discipleship to Jesus Christ. Far from being a downer, Lent offers a gift of extended prayer and spiritual nourishment of a different energy. Not the loud "alleluias", but the still small voice of God's Spirit. And this year, I am so grateful to enter into that rhythm. Peace and light.

The 10 Commandments For Pedestrians

The first step towards making positive change in your life is to accept where you are right now. So here goes - I hate pedestrians. Can't stand 'em. They get on my nerves, they are totally infantile, and they are the most self-centered, egotistical group of people in the world (besides unions). WOW - this feels GREAT! But it's not just enough to level complaints against a group without offering a plan of action for change. So pedestrians of the world - read these 10 Commandments. Most importantly: follow them for God's sake!

1. Thou shalt remember that the road is made for cars, not thou. As car owners, we allow you to use our roadways, not the other way around.

2. Thou shalt be reminded that the cars have the right of way in practice. I know what the law says (many a pedestrian have quoted it to me verbatim). But will that law be much solace to you when you're hit by a car? Cars are bigger, stronger, faster. The roads were made for cars not people (read commandment 1 again). So to protect yourself, approach your pedestrian practice not with what a piece of paper says, but what the streets say - cars REALLY have the right of way. I know that this information is humbling - something very difficult for pedestrians to accept. But this newfound awareness will help protect you from accidents.

3. Thou shalt cross streets at designated crosswalks only. I am amazed at how many pedestrians just cross a street wherever the hell they feel like it. Doesn't matter where, they just start walking. We car owners have designated certain spots for you pedestrians to cross - please observe them.

4. Thou shalt cross at crosswalks only when the pedestrian crossing sign is on. Again - the arrogance of pedestrians astounds me. You don't cross the street whenever you feel like it - you wait till the ped xing sign tells you to cross. Just like for me, I don't drive my car across an intersection until the traffic light is green. Wake up people!!

5. Thou shalt look before crossing. Don't just start walking. It's called taking responsibility. When driving, I look both ways before turning onto a street. It's basic safety. So pedestrians: try thinking of someone else besides yourself and look both ways before crossing a street. This leads me to.....

6. Thou shalt not give me the look whilst crossing the street. This one (and # 7) hack me off the most. A pedestrian crosses a busy street right in the middle of that street but not on a crosswalk. I then have to slow down for their irresponsibility. They in turn give me the biggest scowl and look of "Hey! I'm crossing now. What are YOU doing driving? How dare you drive close to me as I'm crossing. I'm the pedestrian. I have the right of way." The same look applies when a pedestrian crosses on a red light and I (again) have to slow down for that same pedestrian. Drop the attitude.

7. Thou shalt haul thy ass when crossing. Please - when you are crossing the street, put a move on it! It once again boils down to thinking of others besides yourself. Pick up the pace. Others (many) are waiting on you (one).

8. Thou shalt not talk when approaching a crosswalk. Be aware. Pay attention. Stop talking on your phone or to your friends when you are about to cross so that you keep the pace moving along. Decide now to accept responsibility for your part in traffic back up and resolve today to be present, aware, and FAST when crossing the street.

9. Thou shalt not stop in the middle of the street when crossing. Does this really need any commentary?

10. Thou shalt love and accept car owners for who they are. Stop the discrimination. Show the love. Remember that car owners are people too. We are responsible, loving people. Pedestrians are not morally superior to car owners. Can't we all just get along?

So there you go. If the above 10 Commandments are followed, the world will be a more harmonious efficient hate-free place. So in the spirit of the holiday season, let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with those friggin' pedestrians.