The 10 Commandments For Pedestrians

The first step towards making positive change in your life is to accept where you are right now. So here goes - I hate pedestrians. Can't stand 'em. They get on my nerves, they are totally infantile, and they are the most self-centered, egotistical group of people in the world (besides unions). WOW - this feels GREAT! But it's not just enough to level complaints against a group without offering a plan of action for change. So pedestrians of the world - read these 10 Commandments. Most importantly: follow them for God's sake!

1. Thou shalt remember that the road is made for cars, not thou. As car owners, we allow you to use our roadways, not the other way around.

2. Thou shalt be reminded that the cars have the right of way in practice. I know what the law says (many a pedestrian have quoted it to me verbatim). But will that law be much solace to you when you're hit by a car? Cars are bigger, stronger, faster. The roads were made for cars not people (read commandment 1 again). So to protect yourself, approach your pedestrian practice not with what a piece of paper says, but what the streets say - cars REALLY have the right of way. I know that this information is humbling - something very difficult for pedestrians to accept. But this newfound awareness will help protect you from accidents.

3. Thou shalt cross streets at designated crosswalks only. I am amazed at how many pedestrians just cross a street wherever the hell they feel like it. Doesn't matter where, they just start walking. We car owners have designated certain spots for you pedestrians to cross - please observe them.

4. Thou shalt cross at crosswalks only when the pedestrian crossing sign is on. Again - the arrogance of pedestrians astounds me. You don't cross the street whenever you feel like it - you wait till the ped xing sign tells you to cross. Just like for me, I don't drive my car across an intersection until the traffic light is green. Wake up people!!

5. Thou shalt look before crossing. Don't just start walking. It's called taking responsibility. When driving, I look both ways before turning onto a street. It's basic safety. So pedestrians: try thinking of someone else besides yourself and look both ways before crossing a street. This leads me to.....

6. Thou shalt not give me the look whilst crossing the street. This one (and # 7) hack me off the most. A pedestrian crosses a busy street right in the middle of that street but not on a crosswalk. I then have to slow down for their irresponsibility. They in turn give me the biggest scowl and look of "Hey! I'm crossing now. What are YOU doing driving? How dare you drive close to me as I'm crossing. I'm the pedestrian. I have the right of way." The same look applies when a pedestrian crosses on a red light and I (again) have to slow down for that same pedestrian. Drop the attitude.

7. Thou shalt haul thy ass when crossing. Please - when you are crossing the street, put a move on it! It once again boils down to thinking of others besides yourself. Pick up the pace. Others (many) are waiting on you (one).

8. Thou shalt not talk when approaching a crosswalk. Be aware. Pay attention. Stop talking on your phone or to your friends when you are about to cross so that you keep the pace moving along. Decide now to accept responsibility for your part in traffic back up and resolve today to be present, aware, and FAST when crossing the street.

9. Thou shalt not stop in the middle of the street when crossing. Does this really need any commentary?

10. Thou shalt love and accept car owners for who they are. Stop the discrimination. Show the love. Remember that car owners are people too. We are responsible, loving people. Pedestrians are not morally superior to car owners. Can't we all just get along?

So there you go. If the above 10 Commandments are followed, the world will be a more harmonious efficient hate-free place. So in the spirit of the holiday season, let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with those friggin' pedestrians.