I can see me pulling through. Finding out I'm someone who is moving on and letting go. Picking up the pieces on the road to healing. Gonna take some time, I'm on the mend, I'm healing. Starting over at the end and feeling stronger than I've ever been - I'm healing. Healing (sung by Wynonna Judd and Michael English)
I'm in a very healing phase of my life now. There's lots going on inside that I don't fully grasp or understand. At the same time, there's a deep cleansing going on that feels like the cool west coast rain washing away the debris from my past. With each subsequent cleansing shower, the healing touches a deeper sense of who I am. Clears the way for me to be the person I've always wanted to be: grounded, centered, authentic, whole, loving, truthful, connected in every way possible, and free.
Two weekends ago, I co-led a young adult retreat from the church. On the Sunday morning of that weekend, I participated in a guided meditation session. As we meditated in silence for a period of time, we were then directed to climb stairs starting with our age counting up to 100. At the top we were to open the door. No further instructions were given after that. As I opened the door, I immediately sensed a bright presence that continually spoke over me the phrase "well done good and faithful servant." "Well done good and faithful servant." Over and over. In my faith tradition, those words were usually spoken in the context of being welcomed into heaven. The after-life. Over there. For me in this meditation, those words were being spoken right now. Here. Present day. The phrase "well done good and faithful servant" was like a cleansing agent that began to wash away all the toxic debris that had accumulated in my life to this point. Toxicity from every word, image, influence, sermon, power, authority, relationship, and theology that was destructive and life-denying began to fall away from me. Unconditional love and grace were replaced. It was like this presence was affirming who I was right to my core. You're OK Curt. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone. You are accepted. As I began to share this afterwards with the group, tears of relief and healing began to flow freely.
I believe that the spiritual practices and guiding values of my life have helped open me to experience these deeper levels of healing. A determination to be authentic, honest, and full of integrity are HUGE values for me. I have been living those values more consistently lately. I am diligent in guarding my spirit from any voice of my religious past that is destructive. I look for eruptions of God's Spirit in the world. I follow in the way of Jesus. I practice an embodied spirituality through yoga, nutrition, physical training, and eros. I nurture all life-giving relationships. I affirm and respect the interdependent web of all existence of which I am a part. These amazing gifts continually stretch and open my heart to greater depths of healing.
Gonna take some time, I'm on the mend, I'm healing........
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Curt, that was moving. Thanks for sharing your life with us. Healing surely is a process, but there are certainly times in my life that have been moments of intensive healing and grace I remember those times with gratefulness.
ReplyDelete...why hast thou smitten us, and there is no healing for us? we looked for peace, and there is no good; and for the time of healing, and behold trouble! Jeremiah 14:19
ReplyDeleteCURT "As I opened the door, I immediately sensed a bright presence that continually spoke over me the phrase..."
ReplyDeleteGOD "...for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light." 2 Corinthians 11:14
Anonymous: I am through tippy-toeing and walking on eggshells when it comes to people like you who irresponsibly sling Scripture around and yet refuse to stand up and take responsibility for who you are. How dare you post what you posted and then hide like a coward under the term "anonymous"? If you're not man or woman enough to state your name when you pen something as serious as what you just posted, then it appears to me that your entire belief system is a delicate house of cards that will fall apart with the slightest breath of the Holy Spirit upon it. I'm tired of this stuff......
ReplyDeleteAnd Jonathan, thank you SO MUCH for your kind statements! They mean so much to me. Got carried away with my earlier post and forgot first things first: thank you my dear friend! :)
ReplyDeleteCurt, there will be no ultimate healing for you outside of truth. You can pretend to be free all that you wish, but it's only a facade. The truth will set you free--NOT truth that is of your own human engineering, but truth from your Maker: the God of the Bible.
ReplyDelete"...yet refuse to stand up and take responsibility for who you are."
ReplyDeleteOh, I AM responsible for who I am. I purposefully remain anonymous as you don't need to know who I am. God knows. My identity should not matter to you if you're truly "affirmed" in who you are.
Btw, have you ever read the book, "This Present Darkness"?
ReplyDeletePay the haters no mind, bro. Anyone can twist scripture to their own ends.
ReplyDeleteI, too, have struggled to climb out of the pit of legalism, only to have hands reach up out of the pit of Hell trying to drag me back down. Fight the good fight, strive to become more tomorrow than you are today, and surely one day you WILL hear that voice saying "Well done!"
Arthur, most people don't know what legalism is. It's adding works to salvation. Most people MEAN a harsh spirit (they deem in others) of keeping/expecting regulations in order to appear spiritual before others. BOTH are wrong, along with a "legalistic" view of "anyone can twist Scripture...." It's just that this view is based upon one's own made-up rules and personal opinions. The truth is that while many do TRY to make Scripture say what they want it to say, this doesn't negate the fact that that God's Word is very clear on many things. MOST of those things go contrary to our culture. I suspect that the REAL reason for an "anyone can twist..." view are those clear things in the Bible that are NOT human-generated but 'God-generated.' Instead of climbing out...let HIM lift you out of the "miry clay" of personal legalism and "set your feet upon a rock" (Psalm 40:1-3)--the bedrock of God's design for your life.
ReplyDelete